How to avoid the dreaded Wedding Stress - Including my ultimate wedding planning checklist!

It’s universally accepted in addition to becoming parents and moving house, getting married is one of the most stressful things you can do. I hate peddling this narrative and as a person who believes strongly in looking after your mental health above all else I don’t like the idea of people struggling through something that is supposed to conclude with the happiest day of you life- that being said it’s no wonder people find getting married stressful; it can be expensive, there’s a lot of pressure to have the perfect day and everyone will seemingly have an opinion on what you should do, the choices you should make and even the people you should invite!

So with all that this month’s blog is about wedding stress- common causes, my suggestions on how to avoid it and at the end my ultimate wedding check list to help you get organized

Common Causes

Each wedding is and should be individual to the couple, and although you may have some stressful elements that are individual to you, like a tricky family situation or health demands, there are some causes of wedding stress that are so common they’re practically a given or a cliché. Below I’ve listed these common triggers and my suggestion on how you can avoid or deal with this issue.

Cost

Let’s just get this one out of the way as it always feels like the elephant in the room- weddings can cost a lot- venues are expensive, suppliers look like they tack extra on just because it’s a wedding and it’s all happening at once for one day. The best way to deal with this is to be really open with each other on how much you want to spend and what level of importance each element is. For example so you really want that dream dress, or is there a particular venue you’ve always wanted? If these things are important then you need to adjust your budget and work out how much to spend on the rest.

There is nothing wrong with getting rough quotes, looking around and weighing up all your options before you commit to something. Sometimes it feels like there is so much to do and you feel rushed into making a decision, but if you need time to work it all out so you then feel confident in what you’re spending and the money you have to play around with, so that when you do speak to your cake maker, florist, go outfit shopping, you know how much you want to spend and so can have more productive conversations with those suppliers so they can help bring your idea together within budget.  

One thing that can help with this is to have a longer engagement and save up longer. Me and my husband had to postpone our wedding a couple of times due to covid, the only benefit this had is by the time we had the wedding, two years after our original date and 3 after we got engaged, is that we had practically saved up all the money we needed to pay off the wedding.

And another tip is to look for everything second hand- You will be shocked at the things you can find being resold on ebay, Facebook market place and etsy. From wedding dresses to décor, if you have enough time to look you could find a bargain.

Inspiration overload

Now we’ve talked money- lets talk about the second thing that might drive you mad- Whether you have a Pinterest board, a physical mood board, a saved folder in Instagram, there is so much out there to give you inspiration. Which is amazing! I am a big lover of people finding new and wonderful ways to make their day look and feel different, but there does come a time where it all gets too much, there is too much influence and you find yourself overwhelmed out by all the different things you could do. Like all thing social media took something that was supposed to be fun and made it stressful. How to deal with this:

1. Have time off from the social media.

2. Be realistic about what you can do within your budget- those incredible floral displays may not be what you ultimately want to spend your money on.

3. Remember that not everything you see will be from real weddings, some are styled shoots where they are made to look perfect.

4. Check in regularly with each other to check if the content you’re taking inspo from aligns with what you want from your day and if it isn’t unsave it, take it off the board, remove it from your vision.

5. Once you’ve decided something like the colors, table decorations, cake, try not to get sucked in and think you’ve made the wrong choice, just ignore what’s already sorted.

Pressure to have the perfect day

This point ties in nicely to the above about facing too much inspiration. There is a lot of pressure, expricailly if you’re using the internet for inspiration, to have the perfect wedding. It’s billed as the most important day of your life, it’s the start of your happily ever after and you want it to be perfect and I get it, and as a photographer and hopeless romantic I want that for you- But- you are going to have many other days in your life and in your marriage, this simply is one really Lovley milestone, but it doesn’t have to be perfect and putting that expectation on yourself is only going to make you hate those months of planning and ultimately set yourself up for failure.

Something will go wrong, with so many components and factors outside of your control it is inevitable. The important thing is to make decisions that feel right to you, have the people there that make you feel great and get married to your best friend- frankly everything after that is a bonus and I guarantee on the day it won’t matter you’ll be so happy.

But if I may take this moment for a shameless plug- choosing the right suppliers, especially photographer, can help with this. If you trust that that these people will show up and do the best they can for you then this helps go along way to creating a perfect day. Ok, plug over, sorry…

Guest list

The above three were more about your approach to how you plan your wedding, what you choose to focus on, The guest list however is just a practical part of the process that always feels like a ball ache and if it’s not choosing who then sometimes it’s where to sit them all. The guest list can be the thing that takes your day from being a sweet intimate celebration to a full on military operation. So I’m going to make this simple with three rules:

1. Only invite people that bring you joy- if they are going to make your day better for being there then they are the perfect person to invite.

2. Just because you’re related doesn’t guarantee them an invite, especially if they go against rule number 1! So don’t feel pressured to invite someone you don’t want.

3. Remember that the people who matter don’t care- whether that applies to it being a weekday, having to be in a room with an ex partner or travel long distances, those people who want to be with you and want to celebrate YOU will make the effort and will behave themselves.

External input

I was really lucky when I got married, I didn’t have in laws telling us we had to invite great aunt so-and-so or friends plastering me with unsolicited advice, but I know that’s not always the case. People show they care by offering they’re opinion and making suggestions- even if you didn’t ask and, especially when they’re family, it can feel like those suggestions aren’t something you can say no to. But you absolutely can, this day is just about the two of you and what you want. Best way to do this is to keep all decision making between the two of you and if anyone offers something that doesn’t fit your vision of the day, thank them and say you’ll discuss it between the two of you. Some people can be more persistent than others, but you just need to keep on planning what you want and if you want explain why what you have decided instead is important to you

– fun story, when I was getting married I was told by different people for different reasons that they were disappointed in who I had chosen to walk me down the aisle, at the time that really hurt and I was really angry over it, but I wasn’t going to change my mind and felt a lot better after explaining to those people why I had chosen the person I did, it allowed them an opportunity to be in on what was important to me and my reasoning and although I felt like I didn’t want to justify a decision about MY wedding, in the end it was nicer to have everyone on board.

Other Tips to Avoid Wedding Stress.

 Get organized- Have a rough idea of when you want to get things done, in which order and set up calendar reminders and a spreadsheet to track things like deposits and final balances. The thing that drives lot of people mad is this worry that they’ll forget to pay someone or won’t get something done on time, so try to stay on top of things and set yourself up for wedding success not stress.

 Set aside a planning free evening a week- A night where the ‘W’ word is banned and you spend time being a couple instead of professional event planners. You could go on a date, cook at home or spend the night with friends.

Ask for help! People want to help- especially your family and wedding party, so don’t afraid to delegate and take a load of your mind. You can ask someone to look for ceremony readings, create a drinks reception playlist, choose their own outfit using a brief, organize photos to display… there are loads of tasks that you can ask your nearest and dearest to help out with.

Limit the DIY projects. It can be a great way to save a bit of cash, especially if you enjoy creating things, BUT do not take on more than you can chew and give yourself plenty of time, you don’t want to be rushing to finish a project the day before the wedding and then panicking that it doesn’t look right. So be wary of trying to do it yourself too much!

Only Take on advice that suits your vison of your day. Let anything else wash over you and forget it. And if someone isn’t being helpful then try to limit they’re in put whilst you’re planning.

Check lists- I’m a big fan of them- We had 4 A5 sheets of card paltered to our fridge and every time something was done we got to cross it off to see how much we had achieved and stop any tasks sneaking up on us. Below I’ve created a check list of everything I could possibly think of that you could need to think of for your wedding.